"Rama, I will bring Sita back to you," said Hanuman.
Rama had been such a great friend to Hanuman. Their friendship was strong and Rama had once saved Hanuman from drowning in the water. Ever since then, the two had been great friends and did everything together. Hanuman was loyal to Rama. He admired him for being such a great leader and having a strong personality. Moreover, they were not just friends but almost like brothers. They would have done anything for each other. The two marched into the forest and found Ravana holding Sita while she was crying. She screamed Rama's name and Rama was ready to battle with Ravana.
"You stole my woman, so prepare to die!" cried Rama. He pulled out his sword and Rama and Ravana started to fight. The swords were clinking back and forth but Ravana had the advantage with his twenty arms. He grabbed Rama by the throat and was just about to strangle Rama to death when Hanuman came to the rescue. He grabbed his club and smacked one of Ravana's heads. Ravana screamed in pain. Ravana reciprocated and used his sword and stabbed Hanuman right in the heart. Hanuman screamed and fell on the ground. Just when Ravana was about to finish Hanuman, Rama pulled out his bow and arrow and shot him in the chest. That was the end of Ravana.
Rama rushed over to Hanuman trying to save him.
"My dear friend, you saved my life but why! Now you are in pain and suffering and it is all my fault. You should have left me to take care of that villain!" said Rama
"My dear Rama, you knew I would have done anything for you.You are my best friend and I am willing to risk my life to save you. You saved my life before and now I am repaying you."
Rama started tearing up knowing that his best friend could not survive this tragedy. While holding Hanuman tightly in his arms, he wanted to make sure all of India recognized Hanuman's bravery. Hanuman was a hero and had done so much for Rama.
Rama and Sita continued their journey back to Ayodhya and Rama became the king. He made a special day in recognition of Hanuman's bravery. He wanted the people of India to know the importance of courage and Hanuman was the symbol of courage. The day of Hanuman's memorial was sad for everyone. Hanuman would be remembered by all of the people in India.
(Hanuman In Battle) Source: Hanuman
Author's Note: Hanuman's death scene was a new twist to the story. I wanted to emphasize the character of Hanuman and how he was willing to risk his life to save Rama. Hanuman admired Rama as a true god and wanted the best for his friend. He wanted to help Rama find Sita knowing how important she was to him. I decided to make a death scene just to show how selfless Hanuman was. The battle scene was a little dramatic but I wanted to focus on the bravery of Hanuman. Just when Rama was being attacked, he was able jump in and rescue him. The part of Rama and Hanuman's last words when Hanuman was about to die was kind of sad, but I wanted to show how true their friendship towards each other was. In the story I emphasized the words "like brothers" because they were not just friends but almost like brothers. They were both willing to risk their own lives to save one another and that is the point of my story... true friendship. My theme is to focus on the character of Hanuman more than Rama, although in the Ramayana he was the main character. I wanted to make Hanuman the main character in the story. That is why towards the end of the story, Hanuman was recognized by his bravery from everyone.
Bibliography: Narayan R.K (1972) The Ramayana
Hello again Christine! I really like that you took a different approach on the character of Rama. Overall in this epic it seems that he has had a pretty good attitude so it interesting that you made him a pessimistic character in yours! I also like that you have him threaten to kill Ravana because that is really not like what I would imagine him being like. It was really sad that Hanuman got killed in this but he would do anything for Rama so it is touching.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis story definitely had an unexpected twist at the the end that I was not prepared for. I think you did a fantastic job of switching things up and making this your own story. Rama's pessimistic attitude in the story took me by surprise, as did Hanuman's death.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion that I have for you is to add spacing between paragraphs. It would make the transitioning in the story easier for the reader. Also, there were just a few spelling errors that I noticed. In the sentence just before the image of Hanuman in battle you wrote "a long with their other animal friends," and in this context you would need to write "along," as one word. In the paragraph just under the image where Rama is in Ravana's palace you wrote, "Rama pulls put his sword," and I think you meant to write "out" instead of "put." One last suggestion is to read through the story again and make sure everything is written in the same tense. Throughout the story there are a few places where you wrote "is" instead of "was," which made the story flip flop between present and past tense. Overall, it was a really good story and I liked how you changed things up a bit.
Hey Christine! I really enjoyed the alternate ending of your story! I really liked that you made Hanuman sacrifice himself for Rama. During the book you could tell that Hanuman would do anything to help Rama, even if that meant he had to sacrifice his life for him. Hanuman sacrificing himself for Rama shows just how much he really cared for Rama.
ReplyDeleteHi, Christine! Great job switching things up with this story! Hanuman’s death was completely unexpected. Your story was written so well that it kept my attention. I like how you made Rama seem like such a pessimist. Throughout the book we have been seeing his character as having a fairly good attitude about things so it was interesting to see his character be so pessimistic. Hanuman was one of my favorite characters in this book, so I was sad to see him go. But not every story can have a happy ending, right? We do know that Hanuman would do anything for Rama, so it was fitting that he would sacrifice himself for Rama. I like the picture that you have with this story. Hanuman looks so human-like in it, with only a hint of being a monkey. The errors that I caught in your story were the tenses, but other than that it was awesome! I can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Christine!
ReplyDeleteI love that in your story you chose to focus on a character other than Rama. Rama is definitely the main focus in the stories of The Ramayana, so focusing on Hanuman was a great choice! I think that you did a great job making this story your own and showing Hanuman's true character. In the stories we have read, you can see that he would do anything for Rama. You showed that he would even sacrifice his life for Rama. He saw that Rama was about to lose to Ravana and would not let that happen. He went in to help Rama and ended up losing his life. I love that you added that into the story! I also like that you chose for Rama to make a special day to dedicate to Hanuman. That shows the character of Rama very well! I think that you did a great job with this story and can't wait to read more!
Good intro/overview in the beginning; this really helps the reader to understand how this story is relevant to the Ramayana. The only correction that needs to be made is a comma after "dearly beloved".
ReplyDeleteComma splice: "Hanuman was loyal to Rama, he admired him for being such a great leader and having a strong personality. " Use a semicolon instead of a comma or add "and" after the comma.
Another comma splice: '"You stole my woman, prepare to die!"' I would use a "--" or semicolon instead of a comma.
In the fourth to last line (Rama speaking), I would put a comma after "life" and close off the quotation. The next line of dialogue (Hanuman) also needs to be closed off with another quotation mark.
In the second to last paragraph, I would put a comma after "arms" and change "have" to "has".
In the last paragraph, Ayodhya is misspelled.
I would read through again and look at all the tenses (i.e. past/present) and make sure they all add up as you intended them to and aren't switching back and forth when you mean to be using present tense.
This story contains lots of good action and I appreciate your unique take on this event! Nice plot twist with Hanuman sacrificing himself for Rama and Sita. That is totally something Hanuman would do :) I think you captured his and Rama's personalities very well and provided great insight on their friendship. Lovely story!
Hi, Christine!
ReplyDeleteThis was a neat re-imagining of the battle between Rama and Ravana. I think it's cool how you chose to focus on Hanuman. He was definitely my favorite character in the Ramayana, so I really like reading stories about him. It's awesome how much you were able to emphasize how brave he was because he truly showed a tremendous amount of courage during his journey with Rama.
In Buck's version of the Ramayana, I sometimes felt like Hanuman was not appreciated enough, so I love that Rama is so kind to Hanuman in your story. The dialogue between them is great. It makes it very clear to the reader how much the two respect each other. I was sad to see Hanuman die in this story! But it's good that you wrote him such a nice memorial.
I also really like the picture you chose. Hanuman looks like such an awesome warrior in that picture! Great job, Christine!
Hey Christine,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you twisted and switched things up at the end. I really like unexpected twists at the end of stories because after reading the stories in the book you have an idea what stories are going to be until things are switched up, and when things are switched up I think that’s what makes things really exciting! Your story was really well thought out and kept my attention and I really like the dialogue and the conversation that you use throughout the story. This was one of my favorite stories in the Rama. I also really liked your picture that you used with your story it really went well and it really captured what you were trying to portray in your story. I really look forward to reading more of your storybook stories and seeing what other twists and turns you can come up with.
Hi Christine,
ReplyDeleteI like your twist at the end and I love that you gave Hanuman more credit. Him and Lakshmana were two of my favorite characters! Also, are you a fan of The Princess Bride? I feel like you switched up the classic line "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die." (Which I am TOTALLY okay with since I love that movie.)
I liked that you had a bit of an introduction at the beginning of your story. With so much going on in the middle of the semester you can kind of forget what is going on or what already happened in the Ramayana. So it's a good idea to have a little bit of a refresher that sets the precedent for your story!
Overall, great story! I hope you write more stories like this and incorporate little twists into them. I would especially love a story that ends with a twist for Sita since she had so much unfortunate stuff happen to her in the end!
Hello Christine! I was definitely not expecting that twist you added to the ending of your story but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Portraying Hanuman’s death helps the reader realize how important of a character he is throughout the Ramayana and how devastating it would have been if he really had died in the actual book. You also made it very clear how close Rama and Hanuman really were, which I thought the actual book didn’t do a very good job of describing. Hanuman deserves a lot of credit for everything he did in the Ramayana, which I thought you did a good job of.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t really see any grammatical errors but it seems like you’ve gone back and fixed the things that other people have pointed out so that’s good. Overall, great job in writing your story! It flowed well and was organized to where it made sense and was easy to read.
Hello Christine! I really enjoyed your portfolio story! I really love Hanuman’s character so I was excited to read a story about him! I like that you explained Rama and Hanuman’s backstory to show the loyalty of their friendship. You did a great job with your dialogue. It helped to move the story along nicely. My only suggestion would be to add greater detail to your story of the setting and of what the characters physical appearances are like.
ReplyDeleteI love love love the picture you included. I have seen many pictures of Hanuman in our classmates’ stories, but I have yet to see one like yours that conveys his strength and power! It really helps me to visualize him as a great warrior throughout your story!
You did an excellent job overall and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories in the coming weeks of class!
Hi Christine.
ReplyDeleteThis was such a good story. I really like the spin you put on the original story. I like that you kept but exemplified the best friend like relationship between Rama and Hanuman. The fight scene was very vivid thanks to your choice of vocabulary. I liked the dialogue from Rama right before the fight commenced. I loved how Hanuman saved Rama even though it cost him his life. This was the ultimate display of bravery and friendship. You did a great job of portraying their love for each other more like brothers than just friends. Making Rama tear up during Hanuman's last words was perfect. This was sad but It was a really good spin and finish to the story. The picture you chose was great for the story. This shows how Hanuman is a great warrior. Great job on this story it was a great read from front to finish.